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So husband is having to do a 4 week work trip to where this affair originally started, I can only att and for 2 out of the 4 weeks. We are in such a good place purely because he is available and able to reassure me and just be present when any triggers or bad days come along. I know I am in a much better place to handle this but I'm not stupid enough to think it isn't going to rattle me (he also has a lot of fears and worries about leaving me). But any suggestions on how people have handled work trips especially when it was a work place affair. We have all the basics in place like Life 360, passwords etc and I know if he truly wants to do it again he will regardless so it's not that I am looking for "evidence" I think it's just the distance and not being with him that is worrying me

What solutions does HE have to help you?

Is he actively looking for another job so that he & AP aren't working for the same company?

My requirements at this early stage were that he couldn't be in a room by himself with a female or he had to video chat/FaceTime. Another was that he should be available for video chat/FaceTime if I was having a trigger.

What do you feel would help you when you can't be there?

ETA: Does he really have to go or are there alternatives such as Zoom?

[This message edited by leafields at 2:51 PM, Thursday, August 14th]

[This message edited by Drowning45 at 4:11 PM, Thursday, August 14th]

This is a new company he works for, the AP is no where near this country, when the affair started they just happened to be there at the same time.

Affair ended almost 1 year ago, he handed his notice in as soon as he ended the affair.

He told his new employer everything and why he didn't want to travel, his employer offered to pay for me to go for the full 4 weeks but my own work will only release me for 2 weeks.

He has suggested regular zoom calls from the office and he is going to set up a video call basically to run while he is in the hotel room. It's more just not having his physical presence with me to reassure when I need it, but maybe this will help me move forward a bit in my own healing, as I will be forced to deal with the emotions on my own.

Drowning, do you think it would easier to go for half of each of the 4 weeks, like 4 long weekends, rather than two blocks of a week each? Would your workplace allow it? I remember how hard it was when my WS had to travel in the early months. My anxiety would go into overdrive, but it was worst on the weekends, when I didn't have the weekday routine to keep my mind occupied. It also really helped me to have my mom come stay with me. Do you have anyone nearby who'd be willing to stay over for some of the time?

That definitely would have helped as you're right the weekends are going to be tough but the trip is the other side of the world so not an option.

I am sorry for your struggles and hope the two weeks you are not together go smoothly.

My H traveled extensively for 20 years and I always knew he had an opportunity to cheat and I would never know, I just never thought he was a cheater.

His affair was in our area btw - not some long distance travel type situation. But I feel for you in this situation.

If your H is truly remorseful and cares deeply for you, then you just have to trust he will do everything he can to keep you safe. For your own peace of mind location trackers could help you.

I think if you can get through this it will go a long way towards your healing.

I know I sound niave but I really don't believe he will do that to himself again. But then again I never believed he would do it in the first place!!! But I won't live my life in the "what's if". If he chose that path again after it nearly destroyes him as a person and our family then it's an easy decision to walk away.

I feel ready to face the triggers and worries that this work trip will bring, I have to trust that the work that I have done so far in recovery will hold me steady during this time. I can't stop the triggers or the intrusive thoughts but I absolutely can decide what to do with them when they come!!!

Can you tell I am feeling strong today lol feck knows what tomorrow will bring 😂

One day at a time. I'm glad you're feeling stronger today!

Another thing that might help while he's away - plan fun things to do in the evenings with other people. Dinners, movies, book club, game night, etc. Invite people over or go out. Either way, keeping your mind occupied, especially with enjoyable activities, can help limit some of the anxiety and depression of being home alone.