SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Clueless non BS's love to blame the victim (BS) for

1) causing the A

2) Not finding out about the A sooner

3) Not being able to "get over it" in a month or less.

So, I will like to get on top of a soap box and vent my throat out !

It's just bullsh*t that so many people think that infidelity is funny and should be laughed at . F*ck all the sitcoms and movies where the BS is portrayed as getting in the way of the WS and AP "true love".

F*ck the fact that is much more socially acceptable to not tell the BS. F*ck the fact the people who do tell often are seen as a "snitch " or someone who "stabbed the WS in the back" by clueless non BS's.

F*ck all the misconceptions that blame the BS for the A instead of the WS.

Here are the f*cken misconceptions.

Before the A

The BS must have done SOMETHING to make the WS consider cheating.

That something may be

1) Not enough sex

2) A nag

3) Cold

4) Unsupportive

5)ETC to infinity.

During the A

How can the BS not know that the A is going on ?

How can the BS not spot the signs of an A?

How can the BS not know that they are being lied to ?

After Dday

The BS is dumb for staying with the WS.

The BS is vindictive and unforgiving if they divorce.

It is the BS fault when the BS can't "get over it" within a month or less.

F+ck that sh!t.

All those damn social norms and misconceptions that just f*cken adds insult to injury to an already hurting BS !

*Dorothy goes to the bathroom sink and washes out her potty mouth with soap and water*

I do have a very good friend who married a serial cheater who cheated before & during the marriage. Horrific D and the BS suffered for years trying to end this marriage.

The BS became very successful and lives a good life. The cheater on the other hand is constantly trying to worm their way back into the BS’s life by using "the kids" as an excuse.

Fortunately most of the friend group sides w/ the BS and dropped the serial cheating spouse. And the cheater got exactly what they deserved.

Every so often the cheater ends up on the losing end. Like Brad Pitt. The Coldplay concert CEO & HR couple. A number of political candidates over the years ruined their careers by having affairs.

Fair vent Dorothy. Many things that I wish I had had the insight to realize and say to the exwh and his cadre of victim blamers and affair supporters.

Signed, the cold sex-withholding ex bs that didn’t just didn’t "get over it" and finally divorced his cheating self. Oh, also signed the bs who thinks "until it happens to you" when people talk this trash and who is pretty much gray rock with, and wishes wish (people who knew about the affair and failed to tell me or thought that exwh deserved to "just be happy" and he was just not "happy" I "made him cheat") a heaping steaming bag of what they dished out. I guess go ahead and add bitter to the list of adjectives about me. 😂

Yea… there is a lot I should have said that bubbles pretty close to the surface more often than I guess it should.

What soap did you use? I probably need to buy some before kissing my now Fiancé with "that mouth"

Let her rip Dorothy. The strange thing is, once you truly begin to learn the value you actually possess, you’ll learn that none of those social norms really matter and shouldn’t matter to you. It’s taken me a little over 4 years but I’ll be damned if I ever listen to anyone try to tell me one of the statements you listed. Once you begin to learn your true value, it becomes addictive and the growth and belief in your value grows exponentially. It’s true that people who survive infidelity and rebuild themselves become a juggernaut of strength and power. Believe in yourself and know what you possess inside is way more valuable than what anyone else thinks.

Go, Dorothy! I’m with you!

And as a recently divorced person with a serial cheater ex-husband, let me add:

F**k the people who believe anyone who is divorced is a pathetic loser. Good people are able to stay married, and those who D, well….

And f**k the fact that grief after D is not socially acceptable. I’ve had close friends lose their husband to tragic and too-early deaths. It’s horrific, but at least friends and family rally around them to provide support in the wake of their terrible losses.

Grieving the person you thought your spouse was before you discovered the cheating and divorced is not socially acceptable. You do it alone, no one’s heart goes out to you for your loss, and no one brings casseroles to your front door.

Infidelity, rape and losing a child is everyone’s worst nightmare.

What do people do to reassure themselves that such nightmares will never happen to them?

They victim blame. They assure themselves that this shit only happens to "other people", people not tending their gardens, not paying attention, not watching their children, not being careful enough, and that false reassurance makes them feel secure.

Stories about infidelity are titillating, they’re loaded with everything a good story requires: scandal, thought provocation, diverging opinions, sex, forbidden "love", an antagonist and protagonist, drama, plot twists and emotional involvement from the audience.

When actually, it’s just tragic, pathetic, irrational and mutually-collaterally destructive.

You know what else a good story requires? A happy ending. That’s where you come in.

[This message edited by RealityBlows at 7:27 AM, Monday, October 20th]