SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have struggled with photos and I still do.

Today my phone suggested photos from various years of one of my children. I watched it.

Although it hurt, and there’s a picture of my child the day they saw me find the messages. They were next to me at the time and saw me fall apart over the next two years. So although it hurt I liked seeing the children.

I saw the pictures and thought I’m so lucky to have my children. I can see the things I have done with them. I feel so happy to see the pictures. I think my husband is a loser not to appreciate what he had. And he actually turns my stomach in some of the photos.

A very loving family. Children who are healthy, caring, conscientious and fun. A wife who really adored him. If we were out with friends or he walked across the room I’d be proud of the man I saw. I was glad to be his wife. I am not the best wife or parent but I worked full time, earnt well, supported our family, paid the bills, saved for old age. Was ready to try anything. From camping to climbing to gigs to 5 star hotels. I’d do it and make the most of it.

I look at myself and like who I see in the pictures. I’m proud of that lady. She’s smart and honest and a good person. She was fooled by a fool. That says everything about him and little about me.

Any suggestions on loving my photos greatly appreciated

Photos hold precious memories of your safe world before learning the ugly truth. Upon discovery your world blew up, crashed and burned! Absolutely nothing made sense and slowly you became whole!
You are a strong woman and have the love of your children while your cheating spouse is exposed as an utter failure as a husband, father and man!

Yes I feel sorry for him in many ways. But sorrier for me and my children.

I am lucky that I recognised early on that I am not the issue. I have helped betrayed people since (in life and online) and I always speak about how it’s never them.

He acted strange for a few months. Gaslighted and blamed me for his change towards me. When I found the messages it all made sense. Within 2 hours I’d realised this has nothing to do with me, who I am, what I am like. I have barely waivered on that. In fact it made me proud that I was faithful.

I truly believe it’s a choice to be faithful. Cheating so very easy. He was sniffing around online hoping to cheat I got offers in real life and reject them. Its not exactly hard to cheat with so many available on line.

I can’t imagine being a grub that sniffs round strangers for attention and ego strokes. While lying to their loved ones.

The very loved ones who will visit you when sick, hold your hand when sad, tend your grave or scatter your ashes. Hold you when you grieve or fail. Celebrate your success. Pick you up when you are low. Those people should be your number ones in life. They are who matters. And the child who was with me when I fell apart is a perceptive soul and it changed their view of their father.

I do think people pleasing and the inability to validate oneself has a lot to answer for. As does malice in the case of my husband. Awful way to live your life.

[This message edited by Abcd89 at 2:34 PM, Wednesday, August 20th]

"I can’t imagine being a grub that sniffs round strangers for attention and ego strokes. While lying to their loved ones"

The attention of a 40 y/o (my wife was closing in on 50) good looking guy with a nice smile, gun, badge was enough to make my wife gamble a 27 year relationship. His attention gave her the validation that she "needed" that she was still attractive. She was able to look past the fact that she was married as was he.

"It's just "harmless" flirtation, I didn't cross any lines, nothing physical would have happened." The next day when she arrived home from work and I said there's a suitcase upstairs I need you to leave she started to grasp just how "harmless" it was.

The photo that bothers me the most is one of this huge happy anniversary honey I still love you after 20 years display that my wife had someone plant on our front lawn in late September 2023. She started flirting with her AP soon after our anniversary. For all I know they were talking before that. My wife "cannot" remember exactly when they started up and since I cannot know for certain when it started I know it’s possible it was going on during our anniversary.

My H insisted on planning our 25th wedding anniversary. I’d preferred to do nothing as a few weeks before he was planning to D me for the OW.

But he insisted. I said ok.

We did a very brief overnight at a top of the line hotel, dinner - very romantic.

Had I known the affair had rekindled about 2 weeks prior I certainly would not have gone out and celebrated.

But our anniversary is no longer anything special (to me) once I learned the truth about the affair and his continued plans to D me for the next 2-3 months after our anniversary.