SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So sadly, I am now authorized to post in this sub-forum. Definitely not something I had been hoping for the last 4 years and 3 months. Last Friday she got mad at me and isolated herself from me until Sunday morning. I approached her and asked her what she was mad about. She said "you're never going to be happy" I told her that I will from time to time trigger and have ruminating feelings that make me sad. Most likely this will happen for years but to a lesser degree as time passes. I told her that my biggest hang up recently has been her not wanting to do any work. Her response to that was "There is nothing I can ever do that will make you happy". I guess that was her cop out to excuse herself from doing the work. I know she has coping issues, and I guess I always suspected that she'd end the relationship before she'd put any effort into the work. Guess I was right. I can't remain married to someone who gets mad at me and ghosts me every time I get a little sad about her choices and the damage they caused. I was hoping to agree to asset spits to file for a dissolution, but I have a feeling I'm going to have to file for divorce tomorrow to force her hand. Hopefully, when she gets an attorney, and both of ours meet, she'll find out that I'm willing to give her WAY more than half to settle with a dissolution to end this relationship as quickly as possible. But since she is emotionally immature, I'd imagine the 10 year old will come out in her and she'll make it messy. Fingers crossed my friends.

Sorry it’s come to this.

Maybe go listen to Easy by the Commodores. Might be a good match to what your mood from what you’ve described here.

Divorce can be like fleeing a burning house and being forced to leave your prized possessions behind to be consumed. But things can be replaced, and you get to keep your life. Eyes on the prize.

And keep what is yours fairly. Don’t cut your future short. Make sure you have a good lawyer who make sure you are well represented.

Best of luck.

(Oh, and keep up the self-care. The roller coaster may be slowing down, but there may be some bumps ahead.)

Agree with Bearly Breathing. Find a great lawyer who will help you make smart choices.

I just finalized my divorce, and while the legal bills added up, it was worth it to have terrific advice and someone who was helping me keep my end goal in mind and achieve it.

Depending on what state you are in, you may not have to give up way more than half in order to move quickly.

And you can help the process get going by starting to summarize all of your income, accounts, assets, debts, etc. Anything you can prove you brought into the marriage (like a retirement account you might have started before you married). If you don't have minor children, then divorce is basically a financial negotiation, and the more on top of your financial information you are, the stronger you'll feel in that process.

Good luck!

"There is nothing I can ever do that will make you happy". I guess that was her cop out to excuse herself from doing the work.

You nailed it exactly.

Without remorse and the ability to try to make amends, you may never be able to heal from infidelity. You can accept it. You can try to heal on your own as best you can.

But if the cheater has a negative attitude about your triggers and lack of empathy, you will never be able to heal yourself from the affair.

It’s very easy to point the finger and blame everyone else. This way the cheater doesn’t have to accept any responsibility for your feelings.